I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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