I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
