I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
These tits shall not be calmed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
