Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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