i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
