I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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