The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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