how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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