his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
