When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
