used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
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I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I die, sorry about rent.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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