Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
