if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
why do cheetos always look like penises
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm getting married
To pizza
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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