i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
