what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
