Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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