How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
