I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
