I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
