Plan B is the new Plan A
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
