So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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