Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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