If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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