I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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