Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
