Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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