Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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