Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
