Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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