I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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