i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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