Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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