I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
they call him Oral-B. enough said
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
