That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The cops high fived after they tackled you
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
