just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
