I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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