she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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