There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need water and some morals
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
