yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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