My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
