so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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