it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
