Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
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