She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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