just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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