It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
