Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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