gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
