I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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