I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
