I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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