she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
