Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
