I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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