So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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