Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
