just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
