so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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