3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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