there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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