Already got asked if we're dating
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
