I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
