I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
