Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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