these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
