He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
