I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
