you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
