The maid of honor just puked.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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