Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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