Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
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I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
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He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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