Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
