I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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