you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
