What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We were destined to go to rehab together
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
