the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
