No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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