If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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